Weekend Schedule and Rant of the Day:
Friday:
Class from 1-4
Then Break
Dinner with Hilary??
Meet people at 7PM at Branford Lounge for 'Princess & the Warrior' (Run Lola Run) showing at Von der Mehden @ 7:30, $4 student or with me, $5 others. Meet me if you wanna go.
After,.. Hang/Homework/Sleep
Sat:
9:30 Morning volunteer RA work on 'WEST FEST' till?? (Free Pizza, games, cotton candy,
popcorn, etc, FUN!!!!)
Then something with Anthony et al for his B-Day (Boston??). I'm leaving this open.
Sun: -
This IS Anthony's B-Day,.. so,. it's open for him
Then some RA awards banquet. I was the only person on my staff to be nominated for an
award so I should go. From 4:45-8ish.
Study for my math exam on Monday, rehearse with Ben and MAYBE see 'someone.'
Rant for the Day:
Boy, its been awhile, and like before,.. much has passed since.
I twisted my damn ankle running around jumping on rocks,... argh.
I'm confused again about my purpose in life. If my purpose are my goals and dreams,.. then what after? I feel like I'm running with my head cut off. I don't know what I should do, if I did, I could just cut the bull instead of doing everything and nothing at once, waiting for something to happen. I'm tired of waiting. What to do?? I feel enslaved; tortured infact by my own 'nerosis' (sp),... like I can't let go of anything, because I'm not sure, or because of some insecurity (no more drugs to solve problems: find out WHY it is I do, think, need or want what I do/think),.. so I just do it all and get overwhelmed. Confused? Sorry. I wish I had a house/computer for a brain. Each room representing each 'thing' like my collecting of clothes, articles, information, magazines, music, stuff on my computer, etc and I can just throw things into these rooms and they will magically come out with an end result based on my methods/proceedures in decision making and taking action immediately, as if there was another me in each room; personal secretary, that can do what I would have done with those 'things' if I could devote 100% to them, but ACCELERATED to the end result. Then I can just access all the results without having to go through them myself. Wasting time, suffering, and not being able to focus or prioritze. Now this is a dream because I'm still afraid to let go. But why am a afraid?
Another dream escape would be to have 'amnesia.' Perhaps, I'd forget the hang-ups, insecurities or OCDness I have. Note: Would I forget I was Gay? That would be an interesting study on sexuallity. Perhaps I'd come back only remembering what's important in my life and decide that I need to get rid of all the 'stuff' I have in my room, or that, I don't need all those clothes because I know what my definative identify is (though, previously, I felt I identified with so many) and actually let go of MANY things that ENSLAVE me. Maybe I'd only remember things from the Navy,.. yikes,.. and cut my hair. Maybe I wouldn't this or that, or,... yeah, becareful for what I wish for.
NO, those aren't the answers. I really do need to find out why I am the way I am. And work on it. Be less "gluttonous', less OCD,... whatever. All I know is 'life is too short' to waste my time like this. Therefore I've come to the conclusion that I just need to find PEACE and BALANCE in my life; to get my shite together. Then the rest will follow, in regards to success in whatever my goals and dreams may be. SO instead of an immeadiate goal to achieve success carreerwise and start looking for carreer opportunities,.. I should focus on ME, being whole, harmonious, opportunities for my own personal growth as a person, spiritually. To find inner peace and balance.
TESTING PIC and LINK TO MY HOMOPAGE!!!!!!!!!!!
TESTING
